“Well…”
we got our exams back and I got a 98 and he got a 100
a perfect score that I helped him achieve
because of my devotion to him to do “well you…”
would think that he would appreciate the time I took off from studying to help him study
which he didn’t plan to do because we all know boys have this idea that they’re born smart and “well you know…”
that you probably would have failed without my help
because you looked down at your phone while I looked up at the cosmos
because you drew doodles in your notebook while I wrote calculations ”well you know that…”
I didn’t realize boys could be so demeaning until I met you.
Until you made me question if I was smart enough to be a scientist
when you equated my intelligence with a number
when you said to me “well you know that I’m…”
an asshole.
An inconsiderate asshole
that decided that a 2 point difference places you 2000 feet above me
in a system designed for you to achieve without trying
and for me to believe that I have to fight in order to be respected.
“Well you know that I’m smart...” enough to ignore words and opinions that insult me.
But I still remember this moment like it was yesterday.
Because I had never had a boy so blatantly define me as lesser than him until
you said to me “Well you know that I’m smarter than you.”
With a laugh.
Like it was obvious.
Because I got a 98 and he got a 100.
Because he was a boy and I was a girl.
Because his teachers encouraged him to take the most challenging STEM classes
and mine told me to drop out.
Boys are taught that their intelligence is inherent
and girls are taught that their intelligence must be validated
by numbers and figures and bullshit galore.
But no matter the score
no matter the unreasonable attempt at the quantification
of a brain so far from quantifiable
no boy
nor teacher
can ever quantify my passion.
If I could go back in time
I would’ve laughed back.
I would’ve smiled as I told you how wrong you are.
I would’ve stood there, brave and strong and proud like I always am, and flipped you the fuck off.
~
And with that, a reminder that intelligence is so much more than a number. Intelligence is passion. Intelligence is motivation. Intelligence is determination. Intelligence is saying yes to yourself over and over again, infinitely applauding your abilities and your gifts. Let us all stop giving numbers the power to define our worth. <3
